


regret

by kaoruuuu



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Angstober 2019, Crying, Hurt No Comfort, Lowercase, M/M, Regret, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 02:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20987636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaoruuuu/pseuds/kaoruuuu
Summary: they both have so many regretsoh so many.





	regret

regrets. 

rin has many regrets.

he just wishes he could turn back time. 

he stares at the pale body. wires and tubes infecting the once lean and tan figure. eye bags staining his cheeks and deathly coloured arms. the body moves, turning to face towards him, with arms shakily supporting his movements and legs not moving. 

“rin, what are you doing here.. you’re supposed to be training back in australia”

he stares back at haru, face filled with worry and anxiety. he muttered a reply

“I came to see you, makoto told me abo-“

“why do you visit me now, why? you **hAVE HAD 4 YEARS TO COME AND VISIT ME BUT YOU DIDNT! YOU DIDN'T DO SH-“ **

he starts coughing, face turning a lighter shade of pink, then turning back to pale once the fit has passed. tears well in rin's eyes, was this all his fault?

“rin, please go. you’ve already made me feel like shit for this long, why do you come when I’m at my breaking point?” 

rin gets closer to the bed, footsteps echoing in the room. he places his backpack on the stool and zips it open. he rummages around and a soft smile forms on his face, even with the tears forming. he pulls out a photo. over 10 years old haru guesses, due to the work out edges and some of the colour starting to desaturate. 

“here. i found this in my sock drawer when going back to see gou and my mum last week. you can keep it”

he shakily takes the photo from rin, thin fingers grasping the edge of the photo. he knows exactly what this is. more tears form in his eyes and his mind goes to the endless possibilities he could of had with him. their suits glare at him, a constant reminder they were never meant to be. he looks up at rin, tears already spilling down his cheeks. his eyes trail to his hands. a golden metal band engulfs his ring finger. haru is shocked he still wears it. he knew that the words on the underside were long forgotten as time went on.

“you.. you were never there when I needed you the most, and yet you fucking expect for me to take you back” haru whispers.

rin stares back at him, sad smile forming on his face

“I know I’ve been a fucking idiot over the past years... and I know you’ve forgotten about me and the things we had. you don’t know how fucking sorry I am. i thought you were doing well without me, and I wanted to give you space so please know why I didn’t come over” 

haru looks back over at rin, not knowing what to say. his depression spiralled down once he left him. one of his biggest regrets. he still loves him, but haru doesn’t have the courage to endure another relationship again.

“please go, for your own good. rin, as much as i would love you now, i can’t. I don’t want to go through that again. the divorce ruined me. it made me end up here. my dreams as an olympic swimmer were over ages ago, please don't drag me back. you don't deserve me nor do I want to be a burden to you. if you truly love me, please leave.”

rin doesn’t respond. he just stands there, then starts to pack up his stuff. tears have now turned into silent sobs and he tries to cover it up with pulling his scarf (which haru gave him 2 years before the divorce,) over his face. before leaving he said to haru in an unstable voice:

“i’ll always be waiting for you. no matter if you can’t love me anymore, i always will”

rin regrets stepping out of that room. he just wants to hold his ex-partner in his arms and whisper into his ear that everything is going to be alright. he wants to be able to card his hands through haru’s hair again, admiring the sheer length of it. 

he regrets leaving him and not being able to come back to save him from this monster. His monster. tears fall on the white linoleum tiles, and walking speed has been paced faster and faster and he can't tell is he's running or not. His hand covers his mouth as he tries not to make a scene. he never should of left haru, even if haru wanted him gone. they both yearned for each other, but now rin’s love is a lost cause.

* * *

regrets.

haru has many regrets.

and it is slowly eating him inside out.

rin continues to walk and shut the door behind him. footsteps echoing into the corridors, a reminder to haru that he is lone gone. of course, he said one of his vows. haru, now full-on crying wonders where he went wrong.

he glances his eyes back to the picture. edges crinkling and recent thick, transparent blobs of tears covering the span of the image. rin, in a stunning white tux with a white coloured tie, hair slicked back and form-fitting pants. haru, with a matching white tux outfit and hair cut short, (just how rin suggested.) Golden bands reflecting in the image, making them stand out the most. foreheads are pressed together and their grins showing their pearly whites. their eyes had never looked so full of love, admiration and adoration. their eyes just yearn for each other’s presence. he still remembers what that bliss was like. its now ache and a dull feeling left in his hollow heart. 

he regrets sending rin off. it was an unconscious decision due to the neglect he faced from him previously. all this time, he just wants to be held, comforted by his ex-lover and wants to hear the countless little things which will reside the storming anger and sorrow inside him. 

by instinct he flips the photo over, messy handwriting is sprawled on the back of it. the date staring back at him, numbers going through both ears and the message written not being processed. he halts for a few seconds before reading the message out loud.

‘_my eternal sunshine, my sea. i will no matter what will always love you. i will remember this day - rin’_

he cant deal with this. he just cant. He starts sobbing again, ribs pounding out of his chest and frail arms holding the image. he needs rin but hes

_ gone. _

why did he do that. why did rin leave him. why did haru call off the marriage?

oh how he regrets it. oh how he does.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> this was one of the prompts for angstober which was
> 
> 'you weren't there when i needed you the most'
> 
> and i immediately thought 'lets write rinharu angst to make my twitter mutuals cry'. shoutout to the gtc for helping me with this small piece.
> 
> i hope yall enjoyed it and please comment suggestions and reviews!!
> 
> sidenote: if you didn't read the tags, everything is in lowercase :)


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